The Space Between Us: Reclaiming Community, One Coffee Shop Conversation at a Time
11/12/2024 5:17 pm
When Joe Keffer lost his wife three years ago, he needed a way forward. He found solace at Staycation Coffee, nestled in a historic house in downtown Richardson. In its sunlit rooms, filled with the hum of conversation and the aroma of coffee, he found something unexpected: a new sense of purpose through three simple daily commitments: meet someone new, do something new, help somebody.
Every morning now, you’ll find Joe at his usual table with his laptop, a constant presence in Staycation’s morning rhythm. Through these daily intentions, he’s formed deep connections with people whose lives and perspectives differ vastly from his own. His approach is simple: “My values are firm, but I’m not trying to change anyone’s mind. I’m trying to understand them.”
This spirit of understanding that fills Staycation today began with a moment of unexpected empathy. In 2019, Nicole Gregory, who would later found Staycation, was working with a white realtor. The country was in turmoil as police officers killed Black men and boys, and Black Lives Matter protests grew across the nation.
Nicole carried the weight of it all silently. In her daily interactions, no one asked how she, a Black woman, was processing these events. When she learned her realtor’s son was a police officer, the distance between them shifted.
Nicole heard herself voice the very question no one had offered her: “How are you doing?” The woman burst into tears, and they embraced – two women from different worlds, both carrying the weight of their fears and experiences. This moment showed Nicole the power of creating space for real connection across differences, a vision that would become the heart of Staycation.
One of the deepest connections Joe has formed is with Oliver Johnson. Their Staycation conversations range across every topic imaginable, often touching on points where they deeply disagree. “When I enter a tough conversation,” Joe explains, “I’m not trying to change their mind, I’m trying to understand them.” Oliver nods in recognition of this shared philosophy. Morning discussions over coffee have blossomed into a friendship neither man anticipated.
Recently, Oliver shared something that struck him from his daily devotional reading: “What if we miss the best parts of our life because we’re too busy looking at ourselves?” Gesturing toward Joe, he added simply, “Joe is that best part of my life.” Oliver never sits with his back to a door – except when he’s talking to Joe. “I know Joe’s looking at the door,” he says with a laugh, but the metaphor runs deeper. In a time when many of us are armored against those who think differently, these two men have learned to trust each other with their vulnerabilities.
Transformative connections don’t happen by accident. When Nicole opened Staycation in 2020, her purpose was clear: to create a space for curious living. “I’m a big believer in conversations that include various viewpoints, questions that challenge my built-in beliefs, and a community that is diverse in culture, race, and religion.” This vision was born from personal experience. “I was tired of places that look homogenous,” she reflects. “I wasn’t unwelcome, but I didn’t have an automatic sense of belonging.” Every decision was intentional – from the staff she hired to the community she cultivated. “The team has always stayed quite diverse. That sets the tone.”
That tone creates connections that might seem impossible elsewhere. Take Joe, a Christian, who developed a friendship with a Palestinian Muslim woman who frequents the shop. Through their regular conversations about faith, family, and community, Joe found his assumptions challenged. “The attitude in the Muslim community is that of tremendous respect – more than white people, more than Christians,” he reflects. “If you just sit down and listen to them, they are not the way they are painted.”
The strength of these connections was revealed in October 2023 when Hamas attacked Israel. Instead of stepping back from the heightened tensions, Joe placed himself in the middle of Staycation and waited for members of the Muslim community to arrive. “Can we talk?” he asked. For hours, they explored the complexity of the situation together – the pain, the fear, the hope. Through these conversations, Joe learned the power of choosing understanding over assumption, presence over retreat. These moments over coffee are the threads that hold a community together when the world threatens to pull it apart.
Joe’s approach to difficult conversations extends beyond coffee shop walls. As elections strain family bonds and friendships, he applies these same principles. “You don’t want to argue with them,” he says. “Question them. Keep asking why. Eventually, they’ll reach the bottom of the barrel of logic. You never argued with them. You let them dig their own hole.” It’s the same principle he uses in all his conversations: not trying to change minds, but seeking to understand. Oliver nods in agreement. “I love it when people come to the solution themselves,” he says. “That’s even more powerful.”
But this was never about political strategy or winning arguments. It’s about something more fundamental: our ability to see and honor each other’s humanity even when – especially when – we disagree. Nicole lives this challenge daily in her interracial marriage, where different lived experiences require constant navigation. “We have to honor each other’s emotions,” she says. “’This is your lived experience. This is my lived experience.’ It involves emotional maturity.”
The impact of these conversations extends far beyond these rooms. What unfolds at Staycation – from Joe and Oliver’s morning debates to conversations across faith and culture, from that October morning conversation about Israel and Hamas to honest political exchanges – points to what Nicole sees as a deeper truth. “People desperately want to be known and desperately want to talk about the real stuff. They’re hungry for the real.” This hunger for authentic connection reaches beyond comfortable conversations. It’s about creating space for others to share openly about their struggles, fears, and experiences, just as Nicole and that realtor did years ago.
Building trust across differences isn’t always easy. Joe’s conversations succeed because he reads each moment – when emotions run high, when to pause for a breath, when to dig deeper, and when to let things rest. Oliver’s friendship with Joe has deepened because they’ve both learned to sit with disagreement long enough to find understanding on the other side of discomfort. “It’s about curiosity,” Oliver emphasizes. “It’s not about getting out of bed just to challenge Joe.” These skills don’t come naturally – they emerge through daily practice.
Of all these practices, Nicole emphasizes one above all: tone – regulating our emotions before approaching with genuine curiosity: “That’s really hard to hear. I want to understand.”
At Staycation, transformation often begins with the smallest gestures – like Joe’s daily greeting: “I’m Joe. Would you mind telling me your name?” It always comes down to what Oliver calls “a shared framework of understanding.” It’s not for the sake of agreeing but to understand.
In these divided times, we have enough spaces where everyone thinks alike. What we desperately need are more places like Staycation, where diverse experiences meet and honest questions spark unexpected connections. Where we can embrace Nicole’s approach to difference: “That’s another human, and they view the world completely differently because of their lived experience. Tell me about it.”
Because what happens at Staycation transcends coffee and conversation. It’s about how ordinary people, in an ordinary coffee shop, are showing us how to hold onto our shared humanity when everything else would pull us apart. It’s about creating spaces where truth can be spoken and heard, where different lived experiences thrive without demanding agreement, where people discover what Nicole knows we all seek – to be known, to be heard, to connect across our differences.
Where are you creating space for real connection in your life? Share your experiences in the comments below, or join us at our next All Moms meeting to continue the conversation.
